How Your Letter Would Have Read.

Names have been changed/omitted to protect the innocent. If you think this applies specifically to you, if you read this, then you're probably right. If you're not sure, then its not you.

Dear,

This is to say thank you. You've been more to me than I can ever imagine, since I met you, I've loved you. I've hated you. I've been everywhere in between... You were my world, as cliche as it is to say, and now you aren't, but I thought I would write you this anyway, since I didn't when I was supposed to... because, frankly, I didn't know about it. So, this is your letter. The one I told you I would write a few months ago, and you would get it when you needed it. I think you need it now. Spring is the time for growth, for life, which is why you need it now, that you're about to grow up in the eyes of all the people around you. You're about to be an adult, and so this is my advice to you for the coming years of your life, regardless of how involved I am in them.

Wear sunscreen.

Okay, joke, sorry. You know, it wouldn't be me without a sunburn joke/ obscure pop-culture reference (props to who can figure that one out and leave a comment).

My real advice is to stay vulnerable.

I realize that I may have hardened you to a lot, with the mistakes I made, which were many, and too often, but you can't let them change you. When I met you, you had everything to give. And you did. You gave yourself without reserve, without care. And I hurt you, but you went on loving me anyway, and that's the kind of love this world doesn't have. A love that forgives. A love that knows the good in someone, no matter how much bad they show.

You will get hurt, we all will, if we love the way we should. We don't deserve it... but we grow through it. But we can't be afraid to love others because someone hurt us.

I would give the world to take back the things I did, but I can't. I can't change the past, but I can hopefully change the future. I did a lot of growing through you, and I've done more since. I think this letter is as much to me as it is to you.

Keep growing up, but stay willing to love, to take chances, to live life to the fullest. I think I could give lessons on wasting potential, so I would hate to see you waste yours. Love with everything you had, the way you loved me once. Love everyone that way. Whether its me, or someone else, just love the way you did once... without care or abandon.

You're beautiful... you gave me more than I could ever hope.

This is your letter,


Zachary Warren Newton.



There's a feeling that's sweeping over me, right now, that I can't really describe. I've had that on my chest for almost three months... Maybe, this is closure, I don't know. Truthfully, I've never felt it before.

"It kills me not to know this, but I've all but just forgetten,
What the color of her eyes were, and her scars and how she got them,
As the telling signs of age rain down, a single tear is dropping,
Down the valleys of an aging face, that this world has forgotten."

-'Savior,' Rise Against.

This one wasn't good. It's my blog and I'll edit if I want to.

I decided I didn't like this post. Long story short, I'm going to suck it up this summer and do something I said I'll do.

Between May 29-August 15th or so, I will not be in Kentucky. Feel free to visit me in scenic Durham, North Carolina...

I'm leaving this though:

"I've got my things, I'm good to go,
You met me at the terminal,
Just one more plane ride and its done,
We stood like statues at the gate,
Vacations come and gone too late,
There's so much sun where I'm from,
I had to give it away,
I had to give you away."

"Bruised" -Jack's Mannequin

Preface.

Okay, so here goes.

The last blog I wrote lasted one post. It was depressing, it frankly sucked. I started a new one, I figure this way, at least maybe it will be readable for everyone.

We are officially fucking the old blog. This is a warning, late I suppose, but still very important. It is incredibly likely that there will a form of upsetting language in most of the posts. Typically when I start talking, I say them, and I sometimes thinking in four-letter words, if that's a problem I would suggest you just stop reading. If language is no issue, then keep moving on.

Another warning, I will probably talk frankly about a lot of things. Very frankly. I am blunt, to the point of being ruthless. Not because I hate everyone, I don't. Really, its just because I can't stand when people can't just say something. If you say something mean, or upsetting, I will probably be upset, but I will respect you for it. This is a conditional statement.

So take 2, here goes nothing:

I am awake at 4 AM CST, in my dorm on the 1 1/2 floor of Barnes Campbell Hall at Western Kentucky University. I am awake because I chugged a Mt. Dew with my Chic-fil-a on the way to the hookah bar. Bad decision. Now I'm sitting here, blogging. What a night the last "Thirsty Thursday" of the year turned out to be.

I've decided to pick this back up, especially while I'm in North Carolina this summer. I've decided to start now, since, you know, I'm struggling to discover what the hell else one does when awake at 4 AM.

So here it is, the travelogue/journal (not in a homo diary sort of way)/digital notebook for my summer.

I hope its all you want it to be and more.

"Tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone, the worst is over, you can have the best of me. We get older, but we're still young, we never grow out of this feeling that we won't, feeling that we get, we're not ready to give up." -The Starting Line "Best of Me"

PS. I'm gonna end each one with a lyric of a song that said something important to me, in a lot of these I bet I wind up talking about what the lyric means, or why I thought it was pertinent to me and thus, worth mentioning. A lot, but not always. Variety is the spice of life.


Have a very good bye.